Sunday, August 28, 2011

Devin Thomas: An Expose on Awful

by Ben

Is Devin Thomas serious? Did he really just say that? Remember him? He was that guy who was a 2nd round pick of the Redskins in 2008 yet couldn’t even make the team in his third season? This guy understood offensive playbooks as well as Sammy Sosa understands the English language.   George Clooney stays in relationships longer than Devin Thomas stays on NFL rosters, I mean seriously this guy got cut twice last year.   Even Randy Moss thinks this guy needs to figure out how to stay on a team.  

In the NFL there is a common trend where a wide receiver’s third season tends to be his breakout season, yet Devin Thomas decided to take the opposite approach and get cut by two teams in his 3rd season.  It’s not Devin Thomas’s fault he was drafted in the 2nd round by Vinny Cerrato because Cerrato judges talent about as well as Dan Snyder judges character.  But it is Devin Thomas’s fault for falling asleep in meetings, showing up late, giving half ass efforts in practice, and not committing himself to learning a pro style offense.  All of those factors are on Devin Thomas, and no one else.  

You may be asking why in the world am I calling out the 7th or 8th string wide receiver on the New York Giants?  Well it’s quite simple, this complete waste of space had the balls to call the Redskins the “Deadskins” when fielding a question about whether or not he would even make the Giants.  

So on behalf of the Washington REDskins (I see that Michigan State education worked out real well for ya Dev) I would like to apologize to Devin Thomas.  I would like to apologize to Devin for letting the team meetings impede his nap times.  The Redskins really should have explained to Devin that you need to stay awake and pay attention in meetings in order to become a better receiver.  That’s on the front office, I guess.  Also, the Redskins are sorry Devin for assuming you were worthy of a 2nd round pick and putting such lofty expectations upon you.  I mean it must’ve felt like you had Kirstie Alley on your shoulders, but don’t worry because now that you are the 7th wide receiver on the Giants I think it is safe to say there are no more expectations for you.  

Rather than going on and on about how big of a disappointment and what a waste of a draft choice Devin Thomas was I’m just going to cut this short and list the other receivers drafted the same year as Mr. DT and let you be the judge.  

Devin Thomas, 34th overall pick: 31 games played. 40 receptions. 445 yards. 3 touchdowns. Released by the Washington Redskins, and the Carolina Panthers.  

Donnie Avery, 33rd overall pick, St. Louis Rams: 31 games played.  100 receptions.  1,263 yards.
8 touchdowns.  

 Jordy Nelson, 36th pick, Green Bay Packers.  45 games played.  100 catches.  1,268 yards.  6 touchdowns. 

Eddie Royal, 42nd overall pick, Denver Broncos: 45 games played.  187 receptions.  1,952 yards.
8 touchdowns.

Desean Jackson, 49th overall pick, Philadelphia Eagles: 45 games played.  171 receptions.  3, 124 yards. 
17 touchdowns.

Earl Bennett, 70th overall pick, Chicago Bears: 40 games played.  100 receptions.  1,278 yards.
5 touchdowns.

Early Doucet,  81st overall pick, Arizona Cardinals:  26 games played.  57 receptions.  595 yards.
2 touchdowns.

Harry Douglas, 84th overall pick, Atlanta Falcons: 32 games played.  45 receptions.  614 yards. 
2 touchdowns. 

QUICK SIDEBAR:  Is it me or does Harry Douglas sound like one of those dirty things a guy might do to a chick in the sack.  You know like the “Dirty Sanchez” or the “Cleveland Steamer”. 
For example…
Bro #1: Hey man how’d last night go with that girl from the bar?
Bro #2: Dude she was a freak! We went back to my place, one thing led to another, and I totally pulled off the “Harry Douglas!”
Bro #1: NO WAY DUDE! You sick bastard!
Bro #2: Damn right.

But I digress…

Mario Manningham, 95th overall pick, New York Giants: 37 games played.  121 receptions.  1,792 yards.  14 touchdowns.

Andre “Ochosiete” Caldwell, 97th pick, Cincinatti Bengals: 38 games played.  87 receptions.  855 yards. 
3 touchdowns.

Josh Morgan, 174th pick, San Francisco 49ers:  44 games played.  116 receptions.  1,544 yards. 
8 touchdowns. 

Pierre Garcon, 205th pick, Indianapolis Colts:  42 games played.  118 receptions.  1,572 yards. 
10 touchdowns.

Stevie Johnson, 224th pick, Buffalo Bills: 32 games played.  94 receptions.  1, 185 yards.  10 touchdowns.
Stevie had 82 receptions, 1,073 yards, and 10 touchdowns last season.  In other words Stevie Johnson broke out like Pizza Face’s face from All That. 

Chaz Schillens, 226th pick, Oakland Raiders:  29 games played.  49 receptions.  631 yards.  5 touchdowns.

Davone Bess, Undrafted Free Agent, Miami Dolphins: 48 games played.  209 receptions.  2,132 yards. 
8 touchdowns.

So in summation, Chaz Schillens has better career statistics than Devin Thomas.  Chaz Schillens. That’s all you need to know folks.  

This picture was found on Vinny Cerrato's cell phone.

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