Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Merry Strasmas!

Merry Strasmas everyone!  Some of you may be asking yourselves "what the hell is Strasmas?"  Well foreigners, allow me to elaborate.  One year ago today on June 8th, 2010, Stephen Strasburg (a.k.a. "Santa Stras") slid down D.C.'s chimney (a.k.a. the Washington Monument) fully equipped with an arsenal of leather-simmering fastballs and knee-buckling breaking stuff.  It was the perfect combination of poise and power by a dude who barely had any stubble on his chin.  The Pittsburgh Pirates were the first to experience Strasmas as a packed Nationals Park experienced what can only be described as a miracle.  The Strasburglar stole all of the Pirates' innocence by striking out 14 of them with his bevy of unhittable pitches.  We here in the greater D.C. area will forever remember this night as a happy and joyous event that was soon to be tainted by the three worst words in baseball...tommy john surgery.  But no ligament replacement surgery can squash our jubilation today, for today we celebrate the  electricity that scorched through the DMV one year ago.  Also in Stasburgian tradition we shall look ahead to better times when our Patron Saint returns from his hiatus and carves up the league once again. 

Here a few things we here at the Battle of the Beltway will partake in today in celebration of Strasmas:

Hop onto 495 with a break of cheese in honor of Strasburg’s 99 mile an hour ched.

Drop a bowling ball off the roof of the Kennedy Center in honor of Strasburg’s curveball that straight drops off the table.

Draft a petition to the Baseball Gods to have a 14 K performance be referred to as a changed “Strasburg” instead of a “gem”.

Sit down and eat 14 jalapeno peppers just to feel the same kinda heat the Pirates did.

God must be a celebrating Strasmas because the heat index in the greater D.C. area is currently at 105 degrees. 

Merry Strasmas to all and to all a good night!

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