Wednesday, June 15, 2011

2 Legit 2 Quip: D.C. Sports

Good day folks.  We generally hit you with our one-liner fire on Friday’s, but we are going to speed up the week and hitcha with some quips, some funny/most not.  This is not a negative folks, it is hump day and if you cannot be humping someone you might as well be reading our blog.  Why are we posting our one-liners two days early? A couple of reasons: 1) This weekend is the stirring conclusion to the Beltway Series and it will decide 2011 supremacy so we will more than likely be on a Sheen-esque bender for the next few days. 2) We were listening to the Mike Wise Show on 106.7 The Fan (a.k.a the best sports talk show on the airwaves in the DMV, nay the country) and they were discussing our teams’ slogans for each season.  Examples being, The Nationals “Expect It”, The Skins “I’m In”, and the Wizards “Back to Basics”.  This clearly got the hamsters in our brains jogging on their treadmills.  Then the segment morphed into what should next year’s slogans be, and what should be the slogans for D.C. Sports in general.  Can you say Battle of the Beltway wheelhouse? This got those aforementioned hamsters going in a full on sprint and the one-liners started forming faster than how long it takes Lebron to shrink in the spotlight.

The Hardwood

The 2011-2012 Washington Wizards: Our guy can teach You How to Dougie.

The 2011-2012 Washington Wizards: 8 Former Wizards were in the 2011 NBA Finals.

The 2011-2012 Washington Wizards: Flip Saunders has been in the finals before!

The 2011-2012 Washington Wizards: Brendan Haywood still sucks

The 2011-2012 Washington Wizards:  Seriously, how can we get John Wall to stay? 

The 2011-2012 Washington Wizards:  See ya later Turquoise!

The 2011-2012 Washington Wizards: Even Kwame Brown thinks Andray Blatche is lazy.

The 2011-2012 Washington Wizards: We’re more than airplane card games and gun toting morons.

The Diamond

The 2011 Washington Nationals: Come milk Todd Coffey’s Man Boobs!

The 2011 Washington Nationals:  Hey, we tried to sign Teixeira.    

The 2012 Washington Nationals: Is Strasburg back yet?

The 2018 Washington Nationals: We are still paying Jayson Werth.

The 2014 Washington Nationals: Too bad about Rendon 

The 2013 Washington Nationals: Who wants a mustache ride?

The Rink

The 2011-2012 Washington Capitals: 2nd Round or Bust!

The 2011-2012 Washington Capitals: Ok. Seriously this time.

The 2011-2012 Washington Capitals: There's no such thing as curses.

The 2011-2012 Washington Capitals: If not this year, Ovi goes on suicide watch.

The 2011-2012 Washington Capitals: Bandwagon's full folks, real fans only please! 

The Pitch:

DC United: We won our city’s most recent championship….

DC United: Yup, we’re still a thing.

DC United: Low key marriage proposals on our jumbo tron at halftime still available!

DC United:  At RFK, where the Redskins used to play! 

DC United: We filled the hole in your heart left by the Washington Warthogs.

The Endzone

The 2011 Washington Redskins: We’re still not sure if we’re going to have a season, but your season ticket checks will still be cashed!

The Washington Redskins: Pissing on your face and telling you it’s raining since 1999.

The Washington Redskins: Our ticket prices are what really bankrupted MC Hammer.

The 2011 Washington Redskins: We have more problems than Lindsay Lohan’s attorney.

The 2011 Washington Redskins:  Coming after a grandmother near you!

The 2011 Washington Redskins:  You sure you're still in?  (spoof on "I'm in")

The 2011 Washington Redskins:  Free toilet paper with Vinny Ceratto's face on it at every home game!

The 2011 Washington Redskins: Featuring the invisible man, Albert Haynesworth.

The 2011 Washington Redskins: Our quarterbacks have more drama then an episode of Basketball Wives.

The Washington Redskins:  The Cowboys are still as talentless as an episode of The Bachelorette. 

D.C. Sports

D.C. Sports: This is all part of the plan…

D.C. Sports: Letting down more people than the U.S. Economy.

D.C. Sports: Disappointing more single men then Kim Kardashian’s sex tape. (No full frontals, are you kidding me???)

D.C. Sports: More traumatizing than Chyna’s sex tape. You know you’ve watched it.

D.C. Sports: More disappointing than 7 points in the 4th quarter of game 6 when your team is down 3-2. 

D.C. Sports: More disappointing than having a son who plays lacrosse.

D.C. Sports: More losses than the Polish Infantry.

D.C. Sports: Pining for the days of Stephen Davis, Dale Hunter, and Tim Legler.

D.C. Sports: We are Championship teams’ farm systems.

D.C. Sports: Amateur product at Professional Prices!

D.C. Sports:  The biggest doormat since the French in the 40's. 

D.C. Sports: Even with a pair of state of the art facilities All-Star games still won't come here.

D.C. Sports: We are more than airplane card games, 335 lbs of human waste, $120 million dollar .230 hitters, and an HBO special.

D.C. Sports: Unrealistic expectations, unfulfilled potential, and washed up has-beens for as long as we can remember.

D.C. Sports: Where losing seasons are as predictable as Deshawn Stevenson's public intoxication.

D.C. Sports:  Mark our words, in 5-6 years this town will have multiple championships.

And last but not least…

D.C. Sports: Despite the never ending losses, free agency whiffs, Dan Snyder, and championship droughts…there is no fan base I’d rather be a part of!

As always if you have questions, comments, concerns, or additions you can email us at

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