Thursday, June 2, 2011

2 Legit 2 Quip: Controversies and Scandals

Professional and collegiate sports have been rocked by scandals and controversies for as long as they’ve been in existence.  The past few weeks have been no exception whether it’s some sweater vest wearing weasel in Columbus, OH,  more PED’s in cycling, corruption in FIFA, or where Tiger hides his sausage. There is also a very under the radar scandal that has been transpiring under our noses in the NBA over the past decade.  We have decided to address these scandals in the best way that we know how, quippin it and rippin it!  And without further ado it’s going down like the Titanic!


Terrelle Pryor has more cars then The Governator has illegitimate children.

Correction: Terrelle Pryor has more cars than Antonio Cromartie has illegitimate children.

Terrelle Pryor has more cars than Lebron will have Rings with the Heat.

Terrelle Pryor goes through cars like Charlie Sheen goes through 8 balls.

Terrelle Pryor goes through cars faster than Avril Lavigne goes through members of Sum 41.

Terrelle Pryor goes through cars faster than a Tornado through Missouri.  (Our apologies to the many brave Americans dealing with Mother Nature’s menopausal episode.) Please help by donating.

Terrelle Pryor goes through more cars then Kate Hudson goes through wieners.

Terrelle Pryor goes through cars more than Jif goes through blackberries. (that’s an inside joke, but oh so necessary.)


Clearance sale in Columbus on sweater one, get a free Yukon Denali.

Jim Tressel’s book, The Winners Manual can be summed up in two words…pay more.

Even Sepp Blatter thinks Jim Tressel is shady.

Ohio State football players were selling gear like Frank McCourt is selling off assets.

Which reminds us…


The McCourt marriage was as solid as Lindsey Lohan’s sobriety.

The McCourt marriage was as stable as Danielle Staub’s employment history.
Even Dan Snyder thinks Frank McCourt is an idiot.

Dodger Fans don’t deserve the type of ownership McCourt has subjected them to.  Dodger fans deserve to be neutered for beating a paramedic and father of two into a coma.  We can’t have them infecting the rest of our society.

Man U fans think Dodger fans are going too far

Being married to Frank McCourt is about as enjoyable as the after effects of passing out at the beach without applying SPF.

Even the Spermanator thinks Frank McCourt is an idiot.  

Even Jim Tressel thinks Frank McCourt is an idiot.

Frank McCourt's accountant is as useful as Michael Jackson's doctor.  

EnLANCED Armstrong:

Lance Armstong's pee is so dirty even Mark McGwire is like "whoa dude".

Lance Armstrong's pee is as dirty as Jim Tressel's football programs.

Lance Armstrong’s pee is so dirty…….it’s mud…’s so dirty he pees mud.

Armstrong's pee is so dirty even pigs say "Nah dude, I'm not rolling around in that".

Now we would like to draw your attention to a scandal that has been the best kept secret in the NBA. It may not be considered a scandal to the major sports public but there is a player in the NBA who is so bad yet continues to lock up contracts with teams and raking in the cash. This man has been stealing millions of dollars from NBA teams for over a decade. He is the NBA’s Bernie Madoff.  This scandal needs to be ushered to the forefront.  We call this “The De$heption”.

Even Bernie Madoff is impressed at how much money De$hawn $tephenson has taken.

De$hawn $tephenson has stolen so much money from the NBA even Fred Wilpon feels bad.

Coming to theaters next summer: Ocean's 15 starring Pitt, Clooney, Damon, and $tevenson.

De$hawn $tephenson was driving the van in Heat.

De$hawn $tephenson starring in, The Dallas Job. 

Ben Affleck and Jeremy Renner couldn't knock off Fenway because De$hawn $tevenson wasn't involved.

MC Hammer didn’t go bankrupt…7 year old De$hawn was just refining his craft.

Explanation: In the 80’s or 90’s MC Hammer went broke, obviously you knew that.  We thought he just ran out of money because he was a one hit wonder that lived beyond his means.  What we’re saying is De$hawn as a pre-teen stole Hammer’s money and was able to launch a successful cover up that still holds up today.  Without that practice how could he POSSIBLY lock down NBA contracts and somehow parlay that into a finals appearance, as a starter no less, possibly the greatest conman we’ve ever seen.

The Talented Mr. Ripley is based loosely on De$hawn $tevenson’s life.

De$hawn $tephenson has been stealing minutes from Jason Terry without Rick Carlisle knowing.

Questions, comments, concerns please do not hesitate to contact us at

And as always give us a follow on twitter @Beltway_Battle.

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