Good morning, my name is Tyler and I’m here to talk to you today about Ed Hardy apparel. Folks let’s be honest, we’ve all seen them, they draw more attention to themselves than a 200 lb hooker at a seminary school. This is their sole purpose for being, to grab your attention.
My message today is to the brave souls that choose these pieces not out of irony or losing a bet. I stand humbly before you today to personally thank all of these fake tanned, CZ wearing goombas. You see everybody; there is one type of person that wears this apparel, that is…the douchebag.
I say, "thank these men for wearing this douchebag apparel," because it makes finding said douches far easier. Thank them for having the fortitude to literally wear their emotions not just on their sleeve, but on their back, cresting over their shoulder, and cascading onto their chest, with gold sequins no less.
Let’s break down the American luminary below:
Folks if you can’t recognize this puffy former reality star I’ll give you a hint. This man successfully exploited his wife and 8 children for a multi-season gravy train socking hundreds of thousands, potentially millions of dollars in the process.
Yes this is Jon Gosselin, sporting not one but two douchebadges, making him, you guessed it a two star douchebag general. As mentioned before this man voluntarily walked away from runaway success as a reality T.V. star to evolve into the mega-raging d-bag we see here. Never in the history of mankind have we seen a simple piece of apparel transform so many individuals from a pedestrian nobody, into a yelling, chest bumping, shaven ape like Ed Hardy apparel has. If you see a loved one, be it family member or friend, approaching this product, please, I beg of you, step in and make a difference, because only you can prevent this: