Saturday, March 12, 2011

Mission Statement

When we say DMV what crosses your mind? The Department of Motor Vehicles? You know that place where you go on a Saturday morning at 7 AM, wait online outside until the doors open, then wait online inside in order to get your waiting number,  and then you proceed to sit in a waiting room longer than any Charlie Sheen “bender” ever lasted, simply because you just need to retake your license picture?  How about the nerve of the person taking your license picture who pleads with you to smile?  The proper response to this person who is asking you to smile after wasting your entire Saturday for a 2 second picture is, “Lady, I need you telling me to smile like I need to be chained to a chair in front of a T.V. that is playing Gigli.”
Still with me?  Ok good, well you could not be more wrong.  When we talk about the DMV we are talking about the most powerful area in the world.  We are talking about the greater Washington D.C. metro area, the District, Maryland, and Virginia (DMV); home to politicians, CIA agents, Tim Gunn, The President; a place more unloved as a sports town than a 15 year old orphan.  We are two guys who grew up in this hub, one on the Northern Virginia side, and one on the Maryland side.  I know what you are thinking, oh here we go just another couple of privileged punks who are going to complain about how they can’t get their collar to stay popped, or how the line at Starbucks was sooooo long this morning, or how the A.C. was out on the Metro this afternoon on the way home from their cushy government jobs.
Well we don’t pop our collars, we sure as hell would never set foot in a Starbucks, and we do not even work for the government.  But we are life long, die hard, avid and animalistic D.C. sports fans.  Tortured D.C. sports fans.  Our teams are notoriously bad and yet we keep coming back for more.   However, you simply cannot dampen our enthusiasm, you cannot stop our optimism, and we’ve got more hope than Barry Obama’s unfulfilled campaign promises.  Our blood type is a hybrid that stem cell nerds could not even comprehend!  It is a rare blend of burgundy and gold, red and blue (2x), white and blue with gold trim, and even specs of black and orange.  It’s been deemed DMV-Positive.   This blog is primarily a source for us to talk about our beloved sports franchises who may not rack up wins, but they certainly rack up controversy and headlines.  We are full-fledged sports nuts, but we’re unafraid to tackle any pop culture happenings, politics (false), we’ll bring you in on our ridiculous capers we get ourselves into, and just other random happenings in the world we live in.  Our goal is to entertain you, make you laugh, keep you guessing, and have you commit to us like an impressionable altar boy.  We will offend many people (unintentionally), we will inspire you, and above all else we will make you laugh until you either:

a. Pee yourself

b. Fall out of your chair

c. Both

WARNING: There is no turning back.  Once you start sipping our Kool-Aid you will never have a taste for anything else.  Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times.

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