Many of our posts can get quite wordy, and get dangerously close to being considered ramblings. Don’t kid yourself, this is not an apology, but merely an acknowledgement that our transcendent words can sometimes be too much. A few weeks back we decided to post an article that had a different vibe to it, a different feel. It was around the NFL draft and rather than writing a dissertation about how many needs and holes the Redskins had, we decided to just grip it and quip it. The feedback was positive and since our brains are faster than either one of us lasting with Jessica Biel (I’m calling shenanigans if you think you could last more than 5 pumps) we decided to dedicate Fridays to one liners. So allow us to push you through your final work day of the week with some quick hitting comedy and enjoy the first official installment of “One-Liner Friday” a.k.a. “2 Legit 2 Quip”.
Today’s edition is dedicated to the habitually disappointing franchise who calls D.C. their home, The Washington Redskins.
Carlos Rogers’s hands are so bad that deer laugh at him.
Carlos Rogers’s hands are so bad he couldn’t catch toilet paper thrown by Junior Floyd.
Carlos Rogers’s hands have a lower approval rating than Muammar Ghadafi.
Carlos Rogers's hands are so bad, Gigli got better reviews.
Carlos Rogers's hands are good like JWoww's bazingas are real.
Carlos Rogers bites on double moves more than Mr. Mackey says mmm'kay.
Carlos Rogers bites on the double move more times than Lindsey Lohan has been in the courtroom.
Carlos Rogers bites on the double move more times than DeAngelo Hall counts his stacks...well maybe not more than that.
Speaking of MeAngelo....
MeAngelo Hall craves paychecks like Snooki craves pickles…and weiner.
MeAngelo Hall loves money like Ronnie loves sticking himself with D-Bol and hitting the gym.
MeAngelo Hall loves money like a guy driving a white van loves a little league field.
MeAngelo Hall loves money more than he loves himself…waaaaaaiiiiiitttttt a minute.
MeAngelo Hall loves himself the way Drew Storen loves locking down the 9th.
MeAngelo Hall loves himself like Rosie O’Donnell loves wearing flannels while listening to Melissa Ethridge as she writes her keynote speech for Bryn Mawr’s graduation.
MeAngelo Hall loves himself like Johnny Sack’s wife loves cake.
A party with out Fred Smoot is like the 1996-1997 Baltimore Orioles' lineup with out Bobby Bonilla.
A party without Fred Smoot is like working a full day without going on Facebook.
A party without Fred Smoot is like an Ashburn area strip club without Albert Haynesworth.
A party without Fred Smoot is like an unofficial Redskins practice during a Lockout without a QB controversy between two mediocre quarterbacks.
A party without Fred Smoot is like going a day in the middle of summer in D.C. without applying the necessary amount of Gold Bond.
A party without Fred Smoot is like watching The Pursuit of Happyness without crying.
A party without Fred Smoot is like Speed 2 without Keanu Reeves.
A party without Fred Smoot is like Saved by the Bell: The College Years without Jessie Spanos or Lisa Turtle.
A party without Fred Smoot is like Nyjer Morgan playing a game of baseball without an entire tin of skoal in his front lip.
A party without Fred Smoot is like M.C. Hammer as an investment banker.
A party without Fred Smoot is like Rain Man without "Iko Iko"
A party without Fred Smoot is like the Redskins with a good quarterback.
A party without Fred Smoot is like Dan Snyder not suing someone over tickets.
A party without Fred Smoot is like the Redskins fanbase being happy with the past 12 years.
A party without Fred Smoot is like the ALCS without Jeffrey Maier.
A party without Fred Smoot is like Keving Garnett donating to a cancer foundation.
A party without Fred Smoot is like Kobe Bryant going to Colorado to ski, only.
A party without Fred Smoot is like Lebron James doing anything without ESPN giving him an hour long special. "TONIGHT ON...'THE DEFECATION', Lebron drops a deuce!"
A party without Fred Smoot is like Mike Bibby having a pulse.
A party without Fred Smoot is like Todd Coffey eating a salad.
Daniel Snyder has less friends than Gargamel.
Daniel Snyder deserves owner of the year about as much as Arnold deserves family man of the year. Friggin spermanator.
Daniel Snyder needs to over pay another aging and over hyped star like Danielle staub needs to make another sex tape.
The Spermantor, Jesse James, and Mel Gibson went out for dinner and all they could talk about was how big of a douchebag Dan Snyder is.
No one attends Dan Snyder’s birthday party, not even his wife and children.
In conclusion: The Redskins are about as stable as a dinner party on the Real Housewives of New Jersey.